Collection of Weird and Bizarre Tombstone Epitaphs Part 1

A collection of weird, bizarre and humorous tombstone epitaphs from all over the world.

REST IN PEACE

A Collection of Bizarre Gravestone Epitaphs

Epitaph from Kilmurry Churchyard, Ireland:

This stone was raised to Sarah Ford,

Not Sarah's virtues to record--

For they're well known to all the town--

No Lord; it was raised to keep her down.

From Westminster Abbey, on John Gay, the poet, said to have been written by himself:

Life is a jest, and all things show it;

I thought so once and now I know it.

From Streatham Churchyard, England:

Here lies Elizabeth, my wife for 47 years, and this is the first damn thing she ever done to oblige me.

From Death Valley, Calif.:

Here lies the body of

Fat May Preston

Who's now moved to heaven

To relieve the congestion.

Epitaph on a politician from Dayton, O.:

Here, reader, turn your weeping eyes,

My fate a useful moral teaches;

The hole in which my body lies

Would not contain one-half my speeches.

Epitaph on center one of three tombstones in a family burial plot in Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada:

Here I lie between two of the best women in the world; my wives. But I have requested my relatives to tip me a little toward Tillie.

Epitaph written by the wife of Abe Bell, maker of fireworks in Boston, Mass.:

He has gone to the only place where his own works are excelled.

In a Falkirk, England, cemetery:

At rest beneath this slab of stone

Lies stingy Jimmy Wyatt;

He died one morning just at ten,

And saved a dinner by it.

On Ezekiel Pease in Nantucket, Mass.:

He is not here

But only his pod:

He shelled out his peas

And went to his God.

On an old maid who died in the early part of the 19th century in Shrewsbury, Shropshire, England:

Here lies the body of Martha Dias,

Who was always uneasy, and not over pious;

She lived to the age of three score and ten,

And gave that to the worms she refused to the men.

The spinster postmistress of a small town in North Carolina has this epitaph on her gravestone:

RETURNED--UNOPENED

In a small cemetery near Albany, N.Y.:

Harry Edsel Smith

Born 1903--Died 1942

Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was.

A simple epitaph on a simple man in Tennessee:

He was a simple man who died of complications.

Epitaph on Ellen Shannon, age 25, in Girard, Pa.:

Who was fatally burned

March 21, 1870

by the explosion of a lamp

filled with "R.E. Danforth's

Non-Explosive

Burning Fluid"